Welcome to my blog! I am so happy you are here with me. You probably want to know who is the face behind www.antaraman.com?
I am Antara. Why Antara? “Antara” is in Sanskrit the name for a melody that is different from the chorus lines in Indian songs. Here’s why I am different. In a sense “Antara” also means “higher awareness”. I was very happy that I received a name connected with music and songs – two of my biggest passions.
I received this name from my Guru in December 2011 when I spent six months in an ashram laboring hard while being ill half the time. Living in ashram environment had been my dream for months on end and I finally made it happen.
My main interests are yoga, self-help, personal growth and development. Arts and particularly literature also play a very important role in my life. In fact, they are closely linked and whatever I create, it’s because of the inspiration I receive daily.
How did I start with the daily yoga practice?
Since an early age, I have had an inherent interest in spirituality. It was when I was around 4 years old when I realized my biological parents actually weren’t my real parents. I was looking at them from the doorstep of the living room when this thought hit me: “They are not really my parents. Yesterday I was somebody else and had different parents. Tomorrow I’ll be born again and will have other parents. They are changing, ergo – they are not real. How can anything that changes be real?” Then it dawned on me that my parents were just temporary, only for today, for this lifetime. I was very happy with this revelation as it set me free from emotional attachment to them. Even in those initial years, they had bickers and quarrels.
Аt the age of seven, I started to write fictional stories which I proudly claimed to be novels. Meanwhile, I had developed a big fear – the fear of death. By the age of eight it had already began to haunt my consciousness. I realized I was going to die and there was nothing in this world to prevent it. I supposed we were all screwed up from the beginning. But my drive to leave something significant and memorable overwhelmed my initial fear of death. I realized if I created something truly inspiring and lasting, it would last and pass the test of time.
How did my spiritual journey and interest in yoga and India еvolve?
I have always been unusual and with a different mindset than the majority of my peers. It may sound fantastic to be extraordinary but it comes at a high price. Society and common folks aren’t friendly to people who think outside the box. During puberty I started to experience mental issues and soon the problems came to the surface. At the age of 18 I had to take medicines for a whole year. I stopped taking them only after I had a series of inner experiences. If somebody had told me I was going to experience such unexplainable things, I would have hardly believed them. Those experiences made me turn to yoga and spirituality and genuinely believe in them. Prior to then, I had been skeptical. I had respectеd them but I hadn’t believed in them sincerely. It all changed when I had a glimpse of those wonderful experiences. It is said that one cannot know the taste of chocolate until they try it. In the same way I saw my path and direction. Thanks to those inner experiences, I recovered, stopped taking medicines, graduated from high school (I dropped out a year before) and started working. Still I wasn’t healthy. I searched a lot, tried various ways and paths till one day I heard about yoga. I instantly felt yoga would help me become completely healthy.
From my personal experience, I can assure you that whatever is meant to be will be in its own time and moment. Neither sooner, nor later. For example, in 2009 I tried practicing yoga nidra, yet I couldn’t formulate a positive statement like “I am healthy”. In my heart of hearts I wanted it so badly, yet I was unable to repeat it mentally during the practice. Why? I felt the right time hadn’t come yet. It wasn’t until September 2013 that I could practice yoga nidra everyday with the resolve “I am healthy”.
The perks of being an aspirant
I am extremely thankful to my Guru who’s been helping me the most along the way. I know there is nowadays the popular belief that a person can be one’s own Guru. Essentially it’s true but in order for the inner Guru to be awakened, there must be an outer Guru first. I’ve been taking trips to India and to my Guru’s ashram since 2010.
Each year I try to visit it at least once. For me, yoga helps me to stay in touch with my higher self and be creative. For a few years I have been writing tirelessly using my inner struggles and issues for inspiration and themes. Pain, suffering and being a misfit unlocked a very powerful force in me – creativity. I learned that through arts and self-expression I can approach my limitations creatively and thus overcome them. This is in a nutshell the philosophy of Tantra – to use one’s weaknesses for higher experiences.
Why am I doing all this? Why do I run this blog, guest blog, write fictional stories, etc?
I learned along the way that most people face problems just like mine. We are one big family regardless of countries, social status or religions. If I help others, then I help myself too. This is the core teaching of Vedanta.
I hope my posts and stories will inspire you too and will change your life for the better. That’s my drive – to share with my readers my own experiences I gained along the way. I know how difficult it is for weirdos out there, not only because of Robbie Williams’ song 🙂
The joke aside, we lack understanding of what a spiritual crisis is or how our own minds function. One of the biggest ironies of the age is that we can construct, build and manage very complicated IT machines but we’re absolutely unaware of the most important and complicated computer ever made – our own mind.
How to connect with me?
If you have any ideas for future blog articles, want to share your opinion about this site or simply want to say hi to me, contact me here. I am open to podcasts, interviews and all sorts of media engagements. Currently I am very busy writing fictional stories. I am proud that I already finished my fist novel – a 92 500 words contemporary fiction called Alice in Sinland.
I also guest blog for Elephant Journal, Thought Catalog and Medium. Remember that whatever you read here comes from my personal experience and soon my whole journey will be put into a book.
Be ready! In addition, I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.